The Night I Kidnapped Draco
by Aranami
Summary: that's right, i kidnapped draco. and i find out that owning a draco isn't what it's cracked up to be. (PG-13 for language and some sexual "hints")
1. Draco Wakes Up

**The Night I Kidnapped Draco**

**Author's Note** it's 2am, people. and i blame the ice cream. that's what i blame for the creation of this story. damn ice cream. but it tastes oh so very good! *sniffle* 

I really should be working on my other two(or is it 4? lol) stories... 

**Disclaimer** if i owned draco (and other harry potter characters) don't you think i would be writing something a little more productive and making a lot of money? that's what i thought. Oh, and the Tigger stuffed animal is copyright Disney, but owned by me! *huggles Pinky Tigger* And so is Winnie the Pooh. (you'll know what i'm talking about when you get there) 

**Warnings** this might have slash, it might not. i really don't know. for i haven't wrote it yet and this isn't planned at all. so i'm just gonna say, be prepared. muwaahahahahha! also.. i have a *cough* sadistic side to me and it's gonna come out here...   
Oh.. and yes... this is my room i'm describing in here. hehe. 

**Draco Wakes Up**

I watched in the darkness as the boy slept. That is, if that's what one does when they've been knocked out. Anyway, he layed there with his eyes closed and mouth slack. His wrists were tied to the bed frame. I almost reached out and touched his pale skin, but i didn't. I didn't feel like dealing with a screaming rich boy at the moment. So, I sat there, watching. 

It must of been an hour before his silver eyes opened. He blinked and looked over at me, where I stood grinning stupidly at him. His eyes widened with confusion. It took him a second to realize his hands were tied. Once this was discovered he immediately began fighting to get loose, letting out scared little noises. 

"You wont get out." I told him calmly. He jerked his head in my direction, looking me over. 

"Who the fuck are you?" He demaned. I laughed softly. 

"A fan." I said simply. I shrugged, holding my hands behind my back. I gazed lazily over the candle lit room. Spotting a disformed lump of a blanket covering my stuffed animals. The Chinese scrolls on the walls. A couple of vases and my bamboo plants. And my darling posters of Orlando Bloom and Linkin Park. I did this all out of a dim boredom. Not really having much to do now that my victim had awakened. I planned the kidnapping, just not the actual playing with him. Playing, hmm, I like that. A grin crept to my lips. 

"What the fuck do you mean a fan? Let me go!" The pale blonde struggled with the ropes binding his wrists. "You can't do this. My father will hear about this, damnit!" 

"Your father?" I asked, intrigued. "Oh, I'd like that. Lucius Malfoy under my control." A manic laugh escaped my lips that I quickly suppressed. "What a wonderful idea. Father and Son, tied to my bed. Mmmm, I like." 

"Your insane!" Draco Malfoy exclaimed in fear. He was trying to hold back the look of terror in his eyes, but he failed miserably. "Your literally insane! Help! HELP! Someone! Help me!!" 

"Oh, shut up." I told him, rolling my eyes. I grabbed a palm size metal ball from my dresser and walked over to him, tossing it up into the air and catching it again. He immediately got quiet, eyeing the ball. "Dont' worry, I wont hurt you. But if you scream like that again, this is going into your mouth. The funny thing is, this ball isn't exactly big. If you try and talk, most likely you'll swallow it and suffocate to death. Now, you wouldn't want to do that would you?" Draco shook his head. "That's what I thought." 

"What are you gonna do with me?" He whispered. I slowly sat down on the bed next to him. 

"I'm not exactly sure." I admitted. "I just wanted to own you, didn't really have a plan on what I'd do with you. I suppose... I could use you for a pleasure toy." 

"A _what!?_" Draco gulped. 

"Pleasure Toy." I repeated. "I'd use you for, you know, pleasure." He gave me an utterly disgusted look. I honestly thought he was gonna throw up right there. Laughing, I responded. "Honey, if I was to do that, you would be spending all your time snogging boys in front of me." 

"That is disturbing." Draco muttered. But I noticed he seemed much happier with that prospect. 

I was getting hot, so I quickly blew out the candle and turned on the regular lights. You know how fire works, heats you up. Draco blinked, his eyes adjusting to the light. He finally took the time to notice a rather revealing Orlando Bloom poster on my wall. Noticing his look, I smiled. "Yeah, I like that one too." 

"What? I wasn't looking." Draco insisted. I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't!" 

"Honey, it's all right!" I told him, grinning. "You can be gay, I don't mind. In fact, it turns me on." 

"I'm not gay!" He said quickly, more trying to prevent me from getting turned on than anything. 

"I dont' believe you." 

"God damn it all woman, I'm not gay!" 

"Bull shit, I saw that look you gave my Orli!" 

"Orli? What kind of fucked up name is that?" 

"Don't you insult him!" I cried, a little too emotionally than intended. 

"I'm not insulting _him_, just whoever gave him that name." Draco responded snottily. 

"I have all the mind to slap the shit out of you." 

"You wouldn't dare, bitch!" 

"Your pretty damn brave for someone who's tied down!" I yelled, advancing on him. 

"Ha! You didn't get my legs now did you!" Draco let out what I assumed was suppose to be an evil laugh. I dove for him. He started kicking in my direction. I fought to get past his rapid moving legs, but only succeeded in getting a few bruises. Defeated, I slumped onto the blanket that was covering my stuffed animals. Reaching underneath I pulled out a medium size Tigger, colored bright pink. Hugging him to my chest, I proceeded in pouting. 

"What the hell is that?" Draco asked after a few minutes of silence. I looked down at the stuffed Tigger in my arms and then back up to him. 

"It's Pinky Tigger." 

"What's a Pinky Tigger?" 

"A pink Tigger." 

"What the fuck is a tigger?!" Draco demanded a little aggitated. I gave him an exasperated look. 

"Damn, Draco, we need to give you some education!" I told him. He growled slightly at me. "You mean, even in the wizarding world, you've never heard of Winnie the Pooh?" He shook his head. "You poor pathetic soul." 

"Fine, enlighten me." 

"Winnie the Pooh! Winnie the Pooh! A... soemthing... something.. something.. something something. Winne the Pooh! It's Winnie the Pooh!" I sang, trying to remember the tv show from my childhood. I finally grew tired of singing the damn song and went silent. 

"Humph, doesn't sound so wonderful to me." Draco muttered dryly. I glared, but said nothing. 

"This is boring." I mumbled. "I'd have more fun on my computer." 

"Then let me go." Draco said calmly. I eyed him. 

"No, no I dont' think I will." I told him. "Not after that remark about Orli." 

"Honestly, woman, do you have to call him Orli?" 

"Do you have to call me woman?" 

"Possibly." 

"How so?" I asked, slightly curious. 

"It depends on the effect I want my sentence to have." He explained. "If I want you to be aggitated, I'll use woman, If not.. then I wont." 

"Oh... Makes sense." I replied, shrugging slightly. There was a moment of silence. "And no, I dont' have to call him Orli. It's just shorter than Orlando, okay?" 

"Still, Orli? It's so..." Draco searched for the right word. "Fruity!" 

"Oh, shut up! I'm not the one sitting here drooling all over his picture." I remarked. "You sound more like thr fruit to me." 

"I'm not gay." 

"Could of fooled me." 

"I really dont' like you." Draco told me. I snorted. 

"I'm your kidnapper, your not suppose to like me." 

"Honey! Dinner! You can play with your little friend later." I heard someone call through my room. Draco gave a look of disbelief as I stood up and headed for the door. 

"Was that your mom?" He asked, shocked. 

"Yeah, so?" 

"And she's not worried about you hiding a boy in your room? A kidnapped boy no less?!" 

"Not really." I leaned over and whispered at him. "They think I'm a lesbian." 

"Umm... Are you?" Draco asked hopefully. I shook my head. 

"Nope, Bi." Draco pouted in frustration as I left the room, locking the door on my way. 

**End Notes** What do you think? should I continue it? hmm? hmm? 


	2. After Dinner

**Author's Note** since someone (you know who you are! ^.~) asked me to continue, here I am, writing more stupid craziness! muwahahahahah!!! *cough-gag-twitch-sneer* 

**After Dinner**

"Darling?" I turned to my mother and smiled. 

"Yes, ma?" I asked, leasurely leaning against the wall next to the door to my room. My mom looked up at me (she's 6 inches shorter than me people!) and gave me an insistant look. "What?" 

"Don't you think you should feed that poor boy?" She asked me. Wow... Feed him. I never thought of that. I shrugged my opinion. My mother sighed and walked back to the kitchen. I was about to unlock my door when she reapeared with a plate of leftovers. "Give this to him. The poor boy must be starved." 

"Ma, he's not a poor boy." I told her. "In fact, he's a rich boy. Sure he's tied to my bed at the moment, but he's still rich none the less." 

"You really should give him a chair, hun." Was all my mother said, as she passed me the plate. I heard my step-dad call her name and within a second she was gone. I turned to the door and unlocked the padlock. After a quick glance around me I twisted the knob. 

It didn't turn. I twisted again. It still didn't turn. Oh, shit. That was all I could think: oh shit. I struggled with the door a moment more before screaming through it at Draco. "Hey, Malfoy! Open the door!" 

"What?" He replied. "Woman, you have me tied up! Do you actually think I can get up and prance over to the door to unlock it?" 

"You would prance?" I asked, slightly shocked. "For me?" 

"Shut the fuck up! That's not what I meant." I heard him grumble under his breath. 

"Listen, Dray, darling, your what... 16?" I asked. "You should be able to untie yourself by that age. Haven't you ever been tied up before?" 

"I must admit, dear kidnapper, this is my first time." 

"Really?" I couldn't help but sound shocked. "Don't you people play truth or dare? Everyone knows that in the game of truth or dare, one must be dared to be tied up outside in their front lawn and left to their own devices to get lose!" 

"_What?!_" 

"So you've really never played?" I asked. 

"No... And I dont' think I want to." 

"Tsk. Such a shame." I muttered. "All right! I'll just have to pick my lock! Never thought I would have to pick my own lock before." 

"You know how to pick locks?" Draco asked from inside. I pulled a safety pin from out of my jeans and proceeded to pick the lock on the door, my tongue sticking out in concentration. Therefore, I couldn't reply. One can't talk when their tongue is hanging out like a dog, now can they? After a few minutes of struggle, the lock sounded a little pop. I twisted the knob and to my happiness the door swung open. 

"Hello!" I said happilly at the boy still laying on my bed. 

"Damn, it worked." He groaned. I bounced into the room, bringing the plate of food with me. He gave the food a disgusted look. "What is that?" 

"It's your dinner." 

"It looks like owl shit." 

"Actually, those are potatoes." I informed him. He rolled his eyes. 

"Your so..." 

"Charming?" I provided. 

"Far from it." 

"Just eat it damnit." I thrusted the plate at him. 

"Hello, woman! I'm not in the position to eat, okay?" I sighed in frustration at Draco. There was a knock at my door. I went to open it, but it burst open revealing my short step-father carrying, of all things, a chair. 

"Your mother wants the boy to have this." He said gruffly, setting the chair down next to my bed. 

"Why? I like him where he is!" 

"Well, I dont' like being here! Untie me so I can sit in the chair, damnit!" Draco yelled. Grumbling, I untied the pale blonde. He looked from me to my step-father, contemplating on running. I could only assume he found the idea fruitless, because he sat down. I set the plate in his lap and sat, pouting, on my bed. I watched my step-father leave before turning to speak. 

"Why do they have to favor you?" 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Draco said through a mouthful of chicken. 

"They never gave the others chairs." I informed him. I thought this was a great injustice, but Draco seemed to think differently. He gagged on his chicken. 

"Wait, did I hear that right? _Others?_" 

"Well, yeah." I said, laughing lightly. "You dont' honestly think your the first person I've kidnapped, do you? Aww, you did! How cute! You thought you were that special? No such luck, boy." 

"I think I might regret this, but who did you kidnapp?" Draco asked. 

"Well.. There was Farfie..." I said softly, remembering. 

"Who?" 

"You wouldn't know him." I said. "He was fun, though. Gave me his knife." 

"Knife?" Draco gulped. I nodded. 

"You wanna see?" 

"No! No, that's okay." 

"Oh, all right." I replied. "And... Oh, yes, and Viktor Krum." 

"You kidnapped Viktor Krum?" Draco asked, slightly amazed. "That explains his dissapearance those couple of months last year. He hasn't played Quidditch since then, you know... What... What did you do to him?" 

"Well, you see, that was during my world peace rage." I said sheepishly. "I debated with him for hours on end about how Quidditch was a violent and therefore bad game. I finally convinced him in the end about how the violence corrupts the children of the world... I guess I effected him more than I thought." 

"Quidditch does not corrupt children!" Draco insisted. I glared, but said nothing on the subject. A few moments of silence passed, in which Draco finished eating and sat his plate on my dresser. "This is so boring." 

"You've been kidnapped. Go back to quivering in fear." I ordered. 

"Ha, fear of what? You?" Draco asked, sneering. I narrowed my eyes. His face faltered into an uneasy look, but remained the same sneering face. 

"I'll have you know, I'm a pretty scary person." 

"Since when?" 

"Two words: Pleasure Toy." 

Draco shut up, eyes widening. I grinned in triumph, letting out a devilish laugh. My thoughts wandered into all the things I could make him do if I wanted. Like I could dress him up as a hooker and take him to the mall via dog leash. Or I could invite my gay friend, Jake, over and watch them make out. Oh, the possibilities were endless. I concentrated on one specific idea. Tieing him up against the wall and ripping his clothes to shreds with my knife. I was having so much fun day dreaming that I didn't hear the floorboards creak. Or the door knob turn. In fact, I was in such a daze, I didn't notice the door open. 

Blink. Wait a minute. Door open? I looked over at the shair next to me. It stood empty. I looked at the door that stood adjar. Well, that does it. I stood and stomped towards the door and jumped into the hall. I let out what could only be described as the Xena cry on morphine and ran down the hall and into the living room. 

"Hello, darling." My mother greeted. 

"Ma, did you see a pale blonde boy streak through here?" I asked rapidly. My mom shared a look with my step-father before turning back to me. 

"Well, yes, honey, we did." 

"And? Where did he go?" 

Silence. 

"_Mom!_ Where did he go!?!" 

"He told us not to say, dear." My mother replied. I looked at her in shock. She was going to listen to Draco Malfoy before her own daughter! This was absurd! 

"What the fuck do you mean he told you not to say?" 

"Hey, watch your mouth, young lady!" My step-father warned. I grunted a response. This sucked. This utterly sucked. What the hell was I suppose to do now? My own parents against me. Has the world gone mad? I slumped into the loveseat next to my dog. I looked at the beagle-basset and patted her on the head. 

"You wouldn't happen to know where that prat went do you?" I asked. She grinned (yes, grinned) and looked away. She looked right at the back door. I smiled and kissed her on the top of her head. "Thanks!" 

"Dont' be too hard on him." Mom told me as I left through the back door. Hard on him? Was she insane? He's my property until I decide to release him, damnit. I let out a small growl as I stepped out in the large lawn. I skimmed the area, not spotting his blond hair. I figured he went around to the front, so I quickly ran around the house. I guess I should of walked. Becasue I ran right into the boy. Knocking him over and falling on top of him, I let out another frustrated growl. 

"Dont' hurt me!" He yelped from underneath me. I looked down and into his eyes. Grey met grey and I grinned. I sat up and straddled him, then bitch slapped him. That's right, bitch slapped him. "Ow, damnit, woman!" 

"Don't make me do it again!" I warned him. He kept his hands over his face, but peeked over his fingers at me. I gave him a curious look. "Why'd you stop anyway?" 

"I got to about here when I realized I didn't know where the hell I was." He told me. 

"Ah, poor little dragon." I teased. 

"Would you get off me?" He asked simply. 

"Why? So you can run again?" 

"I'm not gonna run." 

"Why not?" I asked. 

"Because I'm not about to go run off and end up getting kidnapped by some other psycho woman." He revealed. "At least you got a mother who feeds me." 

I gave him a shocked look. You know, I'm starting to think he likes me. So, I told him so. "You like me, dont' you!" 

"_What?!_ Fuck that shit!" Draco yelled. I glared. "Why in the hell would I like you? Your an idiot, you know. A total loon." 

"Oh, yeah. You like me." I flashed him a dazziling smile. He let out a frustrating scream. Which, sadly, brought the attention of my nieghbors. I looked across the street where a girl my age (about a year older) stared at me, eyes wide. I narrowed my eyes and yelled at her. "That's right! I am sitting on a man! Ha! You see this? A man!" 

"Too bad the only way you can get one is by tackling him down!" She called back. I tightened my fist in anger as she continued. "Maybe you should join the football team, that was a pretty good dive." 

"Shut up, bitch!" I screamed. She started to come over, but to my fortune, her boyfriends convertable spun around the corner and right in front of her. Nearly ran her over. Too bad that failed. I watched, a little sad but relieved, as she jumped in the car and sped off. "Good riddance." 

"Wow." 

"What do you want?" I asked, looking back down at Draco, who I still sat ontop of. 

"You called me a man." He grinned a devilish grin. "I didn't know you cared." 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I demanded, standing up. Draco stood and brushed himself off in a dignified fashion. I glared at him a moment before storming off toward the door. Draco looked around a moment, spotted some freaky Muggle child staring at him from down the street, and followed me. 

**End Notes** I actually dont' argue with my nieghbor like that, we just share dirty looks and I call her a bitch under my breath. *sheepish smile* i'm really starting to like this story. lol. ^.^ 

Oh, and hey check it out: ^.# eyepatch! muwahaha!! *giggle* use it, love it, share it! ^.# 


	3. Bedtime

**Author's Notes** Omg, I'm so shocked! You people actaully like this crazy stuff?!? LOL, yay! And yes, I sometimes question my sanity, too. heheeh. #.o 

**Bedtime**

"Dear God, what is that!" 

"Damnit, Draco, it's just a cat! You have seen a cat before, haven't you?" I asked the shocked boy standing next to me. We had finally gotten back into the house and were standing in the living room. I was about to take Draco back to my room, when he spotted, of all things, my cat. So here we were, blocking the television from my folks, and staring at my black kitty. 

"I've seen a cat, but that's no cat!" Draco insisted, taking a wary step towards the cat. 

"Now, I know he's a little big but-" 

"Big! That thing is _huge_! What do you feed it? Was it's father a panther?" Draco asked me. A serious look remained on his face through out this. The boy is insane, I tell you. Sure, my cat is a little... big, but he's not huge! Okay, so he can beat up all the dogs in the nieghborhood! That doesn't make him a panther... Though, we never really found out who the father was. 

I was now looking at the large black cat with the same curiosity as Draco. My step-father was getting extremely annoyed as he leaned out of his seat to see the television. Blinking, I brought myself out of the questioning and grabbed Draco's arm. He fought me a moment before accepting my hold. He pouted all the way down the hall and into my room. I removed my arm, ordered him to stay there, and went to grab the extra blankets from the hall. After laying them into a make-shift bed on the floor and sat down on my bed. 

"What's that?" Draco asked, eyeing the blankets. 

"That is your bed." I informed him. He looked at me like I had just commited murder. "You really don't expect me to let you sleep in my bed, do you?" 

"Can't I sleep on the couch or something? Why the floor?" Draco asked, a stuck-up look appearing on his face. "A Malfoy does not sleep on the floor." 

"From that remark, one can only assume you've never gone camping." I replied. "Besides, there is a first time for everything." 

"I'm not sleeping there!" 

"Damnit, Malfoy, I ain't got time for this!" 

"Oh, that's proper English." Draco snickered. I wanted so badly to hit him. I know I have a temper, but never have I met anyone that made me want to beat the shit out of something this badly before. 

"You will do well to remember I'm your kidnapper, Malfoy." I growled at him. "I can make you." 

"No you can't." 

For the second time that day I was on top of the boy. My anger had taken control, I saw red, and within seconds, I had the pale blonde pinned to the floor. I gripped his wrists fiercly, straddling him across the waist. His eyes were the size of saucers as he stared at me in shock. His mouth was open in a perfect little o. I slowly grinned. It wasn't a laughing grin, not even an angered grin. It was a manical grin. 

"Your going to kill me, aren't you?" Draco whimpered. I let out a cruel laugh. 

"No, worse." 

"W-what?" 

"I'm going to hold you down, just like this, until you fall asleep." 

"No! Nnnnnooooo!!!" Squeeling, he jerked his body around, trying to get lose. I laughed harder than I had in months, watching his attempts to freedom. 

"Aw, Draco, you truly are a comical sight." 

"Shut up." He mumbled in defeat. And so there I sat, right on top of Draco Malfoy, pinning his arms above his head. I think an hour went by before I saw his first yawn. We didn't speak the entire time. He glared. Boy, did he glare. It was like watching a child glare at someone who just killed their puppy. Not that I've ever seen that... Or been involved in something of the sort... What?!?! I haven't... *cough* 

"What are you thinking about?" Draco asked me sleepily. I blinked and smiled sweetly. 

"Murdering puppies and watching the owners cry." 

"I knew I shouldn't of said anything." He stated. He struggled to fight back a yawn, but failed miserably. "Are you really gonna hold me here all night?" 

"Yes." 

"Aren't you getting tired?" 

"No." 

"But it's 4 in the bloody morning!" 

"I dont' get tired." 

"Why not?" Draco asked. He knew he shouldn't of asked the moment he said it, it showed on his face. I grinned widely. 

"Oh, it's medicine." I told him. His eyes widened slightly. "At least that's what I blame it on. No... I suppose it could be the voices. Really, now, one would think they would go to bed after a party like that one." 

"P-party?" 

"Mhm." I replied, holding back a laugh due to the look on his face. "Sadly, I dont' think the Risperdal is working. It is suppose to get rid of things like that." 

"Indeed." 

"Still, i suppose if they feel the need to get high and talk about whether or not Malfoy's have blonde hair _everywhere_ is none of my business." I said. "They can do whatever the hell they like." 

"I-I see... Umm..." Draco was obviously unsure on what to say. And just to prove my little point, I shifted so I could hold both his arms with one hand, reached over and grabbed a couple of bottles from the desk. He watched, slightly alarmed, as I popped a few pills into my mouth and swallowed without any water. 

Of course, little did he know, that most of those were vitamins. But, I figure, why tell him a petty little fact like that? So, there we were. Draco staring at me with those grey eyes. You know, a little thing I have to say, it's nice to finally meet someone with grey eyes. I thought I was the only person in the world with them. And here comes little Dracie. Anyway, what was I saying? 

Oh, yes, there we were. And in came my mother. Now, my mom has been known to burst into my room at odd hours to ask me if I've brushed my teeth or not. I honestly should of expected her to show up at that moment. It was a given. She probably had a dream about razor blades chasing her and was comming to ask me whether I've shaved my underarms or not. Not that I hjave a problem with remembering to do that, mind you. So, in came my mother, seeing me and my kidnapped dragon in quite the position. 

"JoAnna Rachelle Therese!" She yelped. Why does she always have to say the first name, middle name, _and_ the baptismal name? What is it with parents? My short mother then proceeded to stomp into the room, slap me across my face and kick Draco in the ear. 

"Ma! You hit me!" I shouted, releasing Draco's arms so I could cover my cheek. 

"Damn right I did!" She replied. "How do you think God must feel right now? Seeing one of His children in such a manner?" 

"Mom, we weren't doing anything." I told her. "I was forcing him to fall asleep." 

"What?" She asked, still angry, but also confused. Draco nodded in agreement with me, holding his ear and blocking in case there was to be another attack. 

"He refuse to sleep on the floor, so I was you know... making him..." I faded and stared at my mom. A series of emotions came across her face and then she finally laughed. 

"Aw, yes. I've done that before!" She mused. 

"I know, you are the one I got it from." I replied happily. She grinned deviously. "So, shouldn't you be going to bed, ma?" 

"Of course!" She said. She gave a little wave and wandered out of my room with a thoughtful look on her face. As she shut the door I le out a huge sigh of relief. 

"What is wrong with you people?" Draco asked. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Your mom is worried about you having sex, yet not kidnapping innocent boys!" Draco exclaimed. 

"Oh, well... basically." 

"There are so many things wong with this picture." Draco muttered. He let out a yawn. "Will you please get off me? I'll go to sleep, okay?" 

"I kind of like it here." 

"Get off, you nasty whore!" Draco attempted to push me off. 

"Whore!?" I said, shocked. I slapped at him. "How dare you!" 

"Geroff! Geroff!" His voice was slightly muffled from under his arms. I stopped hitting him and a yawn excaped my lips. I blinked, a little shocked. 

"All right." I said softly, standing and falling onto my bed. Draco muttered something about deranged cows and psycho mothers before falling straight to sleep. I yawned again and clapped my hands, turning out the lights. 

**End Notes** i dont' think this one was as funny as the others. oh, well. Oh, and Risperdal is owned by whatever medical company owns Risperdal, I dont' own it... unless you count the bottle of it on my dresser. hehe. 


	4. In Which Draco is Left Alone

**Author's Note** i thought this chapter up in the shower. (ooo, kinky, lol. just kidding). Oh, and just so ya know, the thing with channel 73 happened to me before. lol. it was hilarious as hell. 

**Warning** This chapter has some "things" in it, just a small warning, you dont' like sex/porn/anything else like that then you might want to skip past the first part of this. muwahahahah!! 

**In Which Draco Is Left Alone**

"Ma, I need your help." 

"What is it dear?" My mother asked, glancing over my shoulder at Draco. 

"I need you to watch Draco." I told her. She eyed me. 

"Honey, I'm sure he's quite capable of watching himself." She told me, smiling softly. 

"No, he's not. Besides, I have class. Please, mom, please?" I begged. 

"You go to school?" Draco snorted. I glared at him before turning back to my mom. She nodded her approval. I grabbed Draco's arm and dragged him over to the kitchen table, setting him down in one fo the chairs. 

"Stay put." I ordered, before turning at my heel and walking out of the house. I had a bad feeling, leaving Draco there with my mom. But I had to go to class. I hoped into my '63 Dodge Dart and sped off to the school. Thankfully, I'm psychic, so I know what happen. (okay, so someone told me) 

I had just drove off and Draco was sitting at the table, eyeing my mother uncertaintly. She was piling loads of Miracle Whip onto a slice of bread. Once she was finished, and had slapped on some other ingrediants, she set the plate on the table along with a bag of chips. Draco looked down at it, then back up at her. She sat across from him and watched, like he was a fish in an aquarium. 

"Umm, thanks." Draco muttered, picking up the sandwich. He watched as a glob of Miracle Whip fell out from between the bread and onto the plate. Frowning, he slowly bit down on the sandwhich. His face soured a moment, as he swallowed. He sputtered a moment, gulping down the milk she handed him. "That was... nice." 

"If you don't like it, dont' eat it, but I ain't fixin' nothing else." My mother told him. He nodded, and decided to concentrate on the potatoe chips. "Now, I really don't think you need to be watched. So, I'm gonna let you play around the house. I got a checkbook to balance, dont' have time to be messing with you." 

"Umm, okay." Draco replied. He slowly stood, my mom watching him, and headed for the living room. He glanced back at her, before picking up the remote control. Draco didn't know what he was doing, but he notice my step-father playing with the remote the night before. So, cautiously, he pressed a button. Nothing happened. Finally, he suceeded in pressing the power button and the tv roared to life. Pressing the channel button, Draco watched as the screen switched from Scooby Doo to some man skating around in a jock-strap. Draco leaned close to the tv and read the words in the corner. "Jackass... hmmm." 

"Whatever you do," My mother told him from the kitchen, "Dont' turn it to channel 73. Nasty thing. And that stupid cable company wont turn it off, wouldn't you know." 

"Okay." Draco replied, not know what the hell she was talking about. He continued to press the button that switched the channels, not even paying attention to the numbers that flashed on the screen. Sooner or later, he found himself on a pure black channel. Curious, he turned up the volume (having figured out which button that was by now). 

"Oh, yessss, yessssssssssssss." A voice said from the tv. Draco's eyes widened as he leaned closer. "That's nice... MMMmmmmmmMMMmmmm!" 

"What the hell?" Draco mused. 

"Oh, wow!" Another voice, a female one, popped up. "Your so big!" 

"Wait 'till you feel it baby." The first voice responded. Draco held back a laugh. This had to be the most corniest thing he ever heard. 

"Oh, baby, you know what I like." The female voice groaned. 

"I'm comming in!" The male announced. Draco laughed at this. 

"Careful, it's my first time." Draco highly doubted that. 

Suddenly, to Draco's suprise, the channel flashed a staticy grey, looking like it had been hit with lightning. Then, slowly, it began to unscramble. Draco's eyes widened second after second as the tv's picture slowly came into view. Basically, it was two people having sex. Freaky sex to be exact, considering they were ontop of the roof of some building with cars driving past them. Draco's mouth dropped open and he scrambled to get closer, being the boy that he is. 

"Shit!" Draco screamed as a hand slapped him the side of his head from behind. He turned around and saw the most scariest site of his life: my angry mother. She reached down and grabbed the remote from him and quickly turned off the erotic tv. Draco shrunk down into the floor as she stood over him, glaring. 

"I told you no channel 73!" She yelled. "Now go to you room! I mean, go to JoAnna's room! Get in there!" Draco jumped up and ran into my room, shutting the door. "And I dont' want to hear a peep out of you!" 

Draco slumped down onto my bed and covered his face with his hands. With a heavy sigh he removed them a looked around. Sadly, he spotted my computer. 

About two hours later, I walked into the house. I was tired and in a bad mood, having only made a C on my English term paper. I slumped past the kitchen and my mom. She told me something about a computer and Draco, which I just shrugged off. I walked into my room, past Draco on the computer, and to my bed where I dumped my backpack. As I lifted my arms up to stretch a sudden thought appeared to me: Draco was on my computer. 

I spund around in shock and fear, praying for the life of my beloved Compaq. He sat at my desk, humming Rob Zombie's Living Dead Girl softly. Obviously he had gotten into my music folder, and it was almost comical to hear that song sung in such a soft mannor had it not been for the seriousness of the moment. The keyboard clicked lighty as he hit the keys and manuevered the mouse expertly. He had obviously spent the past couple of hours learning the basics of my computer. I would of been proud, had it not been the fact that it was with _my_ computer. My precious, my child, my computer! 

"What are you doing?!" I screamed, bounding forward. I leaned down over his shoulder, checking for any signs of danger. Nothing seemed to be wrong. No flashing lights, no virus alert. In fact, the computer was running smoothly. 

"Just looking aorund on the internet." Draco replied smoothly. I watched in shock as the web site he just clicked to popped up. 

"What the hell are you doing there?" I asked. 

"It was in your 'bookmark'. Though I dont' know why they call it a bookmark, when this isn't a book." He informed me. 

"Wait a minute!" I exclaimed, just realizing something. "How did you figure out my password?" 

"It was easy." He said. "All I had to do was think of what a lunatic girl who kidnapped people would put." 

"Oh." 

"Would you shut up a minute, I'm trying to read this story." Draco ordered. 

"What story?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "Let me guess, you went to FanFiction.net and searched for your name? Your so concieted." 

"Shhh!" Draco insisted. I glanced at the page and read the title of the story. A gasp escaped my lips and I quickly covered it with a hand. "Hey!" 

"Your not old enough to read that!" I told him. "What are you doing wanting to read a story called Best Sex Ever anyway?" 

"I'm the main character!" Draco told me, aggitated. "Therefore, I must be the one getting laid, not move to the side!" 

"No." 

"Yes." 

"No, Draco." 

"Dammnit, Woman!!" He shoved me to the side, making me nearly fall over. He suceeded, my hand was now off the screen. He read the first aprt of the story, eyes wide, before turning and looking at me. I sighed. 

"I told you not to read it." 

"But-but!" Draco stuttered. I sighed again and patted him on the shoulder reassuringly as he continued. "How.. how..." 

"It's just someone's imagination." I told him. 

"But, how did they know?" 

"What?" I asked, stunned. 

"How could they of known we did that?" Draco asked. "He must of told! I can't beli-" 

"Woah, hold on!" I interupted. "You had sex with Ron Weasley?! Oh my God! I knew it!" 

"Shut up!" Draco yelled. 

"Calm down." I ordered. "It's no big deal, okay? some person thought it would be nice to have you guys get freaky, all right? no one knows it's the truth." 

"Really?" I nodded. "Good. They better not, I'll have the executed, along with the Weasel." 

"So, how was it?" I asked. He glared at me and chose to ignore me the rest of the afternoon, which I spent asking him for the details. 

**End Notes** muwahah! There is actually a story on here called Best Sex Ever, i love it! I just don't know who wrote it! o.O! sorry. lol. ^.^ 


	5. Dobby is Sessy

The Night I Kidnapped Draco

**Author Notes** G-Dammit!!!! My radio wont work!!! NNNOOO!!!! *falls to ground dead, but somehow manages to continue working on chapter* 

Dobby is Sessy

I watch the boy laying on my bed. He mouth was wide open and the most God-awful sound was comming from it. I could only assume it was a snore, but I honestly haven't heard anyone snore like that before. I adjusted my skirt out of annoyance for having to wear it before raising my heeled foot and nudging him in the ribs. 

"Mmm.. Dobby, I missed you, come here sessy." Woah... Did he just say 'sessy'? This kid was in deeper than I thought. I nudged him again, only succeeding in him rolling off and into the floor. I stared down at him as his grey eyes opened. Upon spotting me, he let out a scream. 

"Holy shit, Malfoy!" I yelled, throwing a nearby stuffed animal at him. He blinked at the yellow teddy bear on his chest before shoving it off and standing. I looked him up and down before tutting. "Malfoy, you need to clean up. I'm not taking you anywhere like that." 

"What are you talking about?" Draco grumbled. I didn't reply, just threw a small stack of clothes at him and started rushing him out of my room and down the hall. I pushed him into the blue bathroom and threw in a towel. He looked around curiously. 

"You do know how to use a shower, don't you?" I asked snidely. Ha, I didn't always get Slytherin as a result in those 'Which Hogwart's House Do You Belong In?' quizzes for no reason afterall. Draco glared. 

"Yes, I do." 

"Just wandering. They've never actually said you took showers in that book of yours." I said before shutting the door and leaving him completely confused. I stood there for a few minutes, untill I heard the shower turn on. I smiled smugly and headed into the kitchen. 

It was early, around eight am. But for once that didn't bother me. No, for today I was taking my dear little Malfoy to church. I laughed wickedly, recieving an odd look from my mother. I grabbed a granola bar and sat down across from her, waiting for the rich brat to finish with his shower. My mom set down her glass of orange juice and looked at me. "Is he in the shower?" 

"Yes'sum." 

"You told him not to use my rinse right?" She asked me. I frowned. She sighed. "If he comes out here with strawberry smelling hair, I'm going to make you pay for it. That stuff is expensive." 

"Err.. right'o." I replied. My mother stiffled a yawn. "So, uh, he up yet?" 

"Hmm? No, silly, it's Sunday." She replied. She looked at me, taking in what I was wearing. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry, I forgot." 

"Ma, dont' worry." I replied, throwing the granola wrapper in the trash. "I always go alone. Besides, today Draco's going with me." 

"Are you sure that's wise?" She asked uncertainly. "He doesn't exactly know the basics of the Catholic Church." 

"What is there to know?" I asked, laughing. "You stand, sit, stand, sit, kneel, sit, stand, kneel, stand! That's it! He doesn't have to recite stuff. It's confession I'm worried about." 

"You are not taking that poor boy to confession!" My mother exclaimed, shocked. I shrugged. 

"Why not?" 

"That is just asking for trouble, dear." 

"Nonsense!" I replied. I looked up to see Draco enter, wearing a pair of slacks and a black cowboy shirt. His hair was, of course, gelled back. Hmm, must have gotten into my hair supplies. My mother took one look at him then immediately smelled his hair. Draco stared at me, eyes wide. 

"All right, he's clean, no strawberries. And it's nice to know someone can wear those clothes, Lord knows your step-father can't." My mom said. Draco watched her leave the room and then glared at me. 

"What?!" I asked, standing and grabbed my purse off the counter. I fidgeted with the purse, trying to figure out how to balance it on my shoulder (i'm a wallet girl, people). After a few minutes of work, I slid my arm through his and grinned down at him. Boy, he's a short little boy. Oh, wait, never mind, I'm just tall. "Ready to go to church, sweetie?" 

"What?" Draco asked, trying to break from from me. I, of course, didn't let him. I dragged him out the door with me and forced him into my car. After sliding into the driver's seat I turned to him with grin. He gave me a wary look, but chose not to question where we were going. Good for him. 

Draco glared at the church, looking like he was going to hex it and everyone inside. I was relieved I had made sure he didn't have his wand with him when I kidnapped him. I looked up to see my priest, Father Matt - a short, 29 year old -, walking towards us. He smiled and shook my hand before turning to Draco. "Why hello! Who might you be?" 

"Father Matt, i'd like you to meet Draco Malfoy." The priest reached over and shook Draco's hand and instantly ushered us inside. 

"You here for confession?" He asked. I nodded. "Okay, it starts in five minutes, just hang out here until then." 

"What's confession?" Draco asked, sitting down in one of the white couches, next to a small statue-ette of Saint Catherine. 

"Basically, you tell all your sins to the Father. Stuff you've done wrong. For example, me kipnapping you!" I smiled enthusiastically. Draco eyed me then sighed. 

"Your going to make me do it aren't you?" 

"Naturally." 

"Damn you woman." He muttered. 

"Tsk. Tsk. Your gonna have to tell him about that too." I teased. We waited around a few minutes, then I quickly ushered the blonde into the confession booth. I tried to listen in, but dammit, those doors are sound proof. Draco was in there a while. I was really starting to get worried. When Draco finally emersed, he looked a lot calmer then usual. I eyed him before entering the booth myself. I sat a second before my curiosity got the best of me. "So, Father, what did Draco tell you?" 

"You know I can't tell you that." Father Matt replied. I heard him shift nervously. Geeze, what _did_ Draco tell him? Father Matt cleared his throat. 

"Oh, right. Umm, well, I kidnapped Draco." The priest sighed. 

"Again?" 

"Yea, i know I said I was gonna stop, but I couldn't help it!" I explained. "I mean, really though, look at him! Ain't he sexy?" 

"I refuse to comment on that." He replied. 

"Oh fine." I muttered. I finished up my confession, then left to find Draco. I found him in the church, sitting in one of the pews. 

Church went rather well. In fact, Draco was very well behaived. I was shocked. As we headed back to the car, Draco finally burst out into laughter. After insisting on him telling me what was so funny, he said, "Now I know why all you muggles are insane!" 

I couldn't help myself, I slapped him. I'm very defensive about my faith, you know. Draco kept quiet the rest of the trip home. It was later that night that I laid on my bed, looking down at him, that I came to the decision. "Draco?" 

"What is it, woman?" He mumbled, sounding sleepy. 

"I'm going to let you go home tomorrow." I said softly. He jerked to a sitting position. 

"Really? No lying?" 

"No, no lying." 

"Umm... What made you change your mind?" He asked. 

"What, did you want to stay here?" I replied. 

"NO!" He exclaimed. "I mean, no, I'm just curious." 

"I dont' know... Your boring me, maybe?" He snorted at this. "Besides, I have other people I need to kidnapp. I can't let you have all the fun with me." 

"Other people?" 

"Yea! Just a little warning, you wont be able to call Ron a Weasel for a while." I laughed. With that, he laid back down and I listened to him snore and mumble things about Dobby being 'sessy'. 

**end notes** well, that's it. i know this chapter wasn't that funny. but i was running out fo ideas. anywho. i'm planning on making a series! next will be The Night I Kidnapped Ron! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! 


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